dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
