I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
