Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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