in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
