So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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