And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
