I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm too high and old for this...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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