The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
