I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
PANTIES FOUND
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