I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
