My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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