No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
