Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
