You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
