Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
