am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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