Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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