she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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