This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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