And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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