I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
