So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
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