Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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