well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
