I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
