She's JV to your varsity
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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