drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
