grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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