your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
