god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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