What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
