I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
