i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
