She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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