Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize