WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
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You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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well, you know. whores of a feather.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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