I wish I only lived at night.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
