We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
