I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
