someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
