i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
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