I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
