I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You are a genius and a whore.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
