that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
