Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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