I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You ruined the universe
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
