I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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