I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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