i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
