I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
