just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
