remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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