Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
