I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
