sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
BRING THE BAGELS
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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