I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
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Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
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Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Floor bacon is actually really good
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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