Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
