So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
