he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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