He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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