is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
