He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
