He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
