she kept yelling 'call me bella'
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
