Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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