she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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