grandma shit on top of the toilet
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
