i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
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For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
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Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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