i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
