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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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