I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
