i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
