I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
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I will pee on everything he values.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
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Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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