i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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