Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
