I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
